Little gods 2

Continuing my thoughts on why some Christians do whatever they want, and others will not no matter what.

As I closed out my Little gods last week, I thought about making this something of a weekly sharing my little gods. But are you brave and secure enough to share yours?

I already shared about my foul language and drinking. Hum what should I share about this time?
So, what if I told you that pornography was one of my little gods? Would you think less of me? Or would you want to know how this happened? How did you get past it? Does it still affect you?

This is going to be the only little god I am going to write about. It is one that still hurts to discuss out in the open. I have only shared this with a few people that I trust. I have not shared this with a potential mixed audience.

It all started when we lived in townhouses just outside the town of Chambersburg, Pennsylvania. I was asked to babysit the little boy of our neighbors to the right. Mom and dad had no problems since I was close by if I had any problems. It was there that I was first introduced to porn. The husband had all sorts of porn magazines. They were out in the open and I was curious. I often heard people joke that they buy these for the articles. I was not interested in the nude women. What I found interesting was often found at the back of the magazines. It was the comics. You see, I loved comics but that is a story for another day. I would be disappointed when those magazines didn’t carry those XXX comics.

When I graduated high school, I went into the PA Army Reserves. Because of the little god from my youth, I didn’t understand many sexual ideas. I already knew the unit I would report to after boot camp. I was able to go on the weekend deployments. Due to my little god, a higher-ranking soldier sweet talked me. We were in his room and things started to go sideways. I am just glad that we didn’t go too far. – For the record I got a trainee discharge at Basic. – This will not be the last time that this particular little god would get me into trouble. It was worse when I mixed two of my little gods, alcohol, and porn/sexuality together. Then there is the writing of XXX stories when at work and a perverted owner/boss that wanted to take advantage of me after reading my stories. Thankfully, when I refused his advances he took me back to where my car was parked.

This little god like to take breaks. When I gave my life to Jesus the first time, I only saw him as my savior. My little god faded into the background for a while. But when it came back it was always with a vengeance. It would add to what it did before. I love anime and manga. And they have a whole genera that would feed this little god. Hard and soft, gay and straight, it didn’t matter to me.

The second time I gave my life to Jesus, it was a different experience. A recommitment if you will and this time I was learning that he was not just my Savior but my Lord. It was at my low points that my little god would rear its head and push trying hard to get me to walk away from my relationship. I would make all types of excuses to the Lord. So much so that one day he just broke my little god and I was ready to truly repent. I no longer want to even see anything that may be of that little god’s bent. Yet, online that temptation often come up at the oddest and most awkward times for me. I try to go past by not looking. Yes, like a recovering alcoholic, I too have to be wary of what I consume on the internet. Way too many temptations and I may fall into that trap he lays for me.

Pray that I stay close to the Lord and fall into this little gods clutches again. It may take even more to get me to turn away Can I pray for you if you too struggle with the little god that has a strong pull…pornography?

I hope you all know that I don’t share this to say I have it under control. I know I don’t. It is by the Holy Spirit that I pray I am a conqueror and will remain so to the honor and glory of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. When I ask for prayer to battle against this little god, I mean what I say. I am not proud of this I don’t like sharing about it. It makes me feel ashamed of myself. It makes me question my salvation. Yet, I know that he who is in my is greater than he who is in the world.