Little gods 3

Still have not heard from anyone. I am still wondering why some people have the license to do what they will – Freedom in Christ. And others are constrained to what they see in and read in the scripture. Some would say they are legalistic. I think maybe we are told about them in one of the letters. Romans 14: 20-22. 20 For meat destroy not the work of God. All things indeed are pure; but it is evil for that man who eateth with offence.
21 It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.
22 Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth.
I was also warned about opening myself up like this by my brother in Christ and Home Fellowship leader. I am fully aware that some may be judgmental of what I am sharing. Especially after sharing my little god number 2. But I must wonder, why would you judge me? Is it because of you own little gods that you are dealing with? I will not judge you. I cannot. Then there are others that will try to use this against me. Do your worst! I am ready to stand by my faith in Jesus and the strength of the Holy Spirit.
So, what little god will I confess now? How about anger or should I say rage.
We will take in what it says about anger in Ephesians 4:26. Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
I had this little god known as anger that turned to rage. It was particularly pernicious in making me hate myself and lashing out at others. I would get angry at people who would call me by the wrong name. They didn’t know but it hurt me. They also may have just met me and didn’t know that I went by Rose for the longest time in my 20s. I would get angry and lash out in one of the few ways that would not get me in too much trouble. Enter the little god of the profanity laced foul language that I perfected.
Yes, this anger did turn on me as well. When I was a teenager at some of my lowest points, in anger, I would look in the mirror and would angrily tell myself, “I hate you! You should just die!” This was before I made my decision for Christ. I was being witnessed to from time to time in my life. Yet, the little god of anger would blind me. It would convince me that I was not worthy to be living.
Sometimes the anger was useful. We had a new employee start and he watched as I was stocking the shelves. It was with heavy shotgun shells and other ammunition (it was before the store stopped selling shotguns, rifles, and most common ammunition). The employee was a young man who was going to college. I got angry at him for these few words. He told me, and I quote, “I don’t make enough money to do that kind of work.” (Mind you this was back in the 90s, and the kids were already thinking they were owed something.) Well, I lost it. I asked him how long he thought I worked here? How much do you think I am making? If anyone is not making enough money for how long they have been on the job, it would be me and not some wet behind the ear’s punk. And as a woman, I shouldn’t have to handle the heavy ammunition or any heavy merchandise when there is a male employee available or working in my department. Needless to say, that kid quit and my manager backed me up.
That was not the last time I would get angry at work. Not all were what is called a righteous anger (some would say that is what the above example is). The next thing that I remember is the time I flew into a rage over something someone said to me (manger or customer) right in front of my department manager. I did have the foresight to excuse myself. I walked into the stockroom and stopped at the two metal gun safes. I drew back my arm and slammed it into one of the gun safes. I hit the side of my fist. I then came out and was a little bit better. My manager asked what I did. I told him that I may have to go to the hospital. I may have broken my arm. Yes, that is how hard I hit the side of my fist on the metal gun safe. Thankfully, it wasn’t a broken arm. I did fracture the little nub on my wrist. Had a half cast.
This of course would continue. Off and on, I would allow the little god to take control. Then I gave rededicated my life to the Lord. But that would not stop the little god of anger and rage. Some people would say, I was hardwired that way. No, I was a sinner that allowed my sin to take control and would later have to ask for forgiveness.
One day my sister asked me to watch her two of her three kids. The youngest was living with her father. I asked what day. Told when and asked if I could stay overnight. My sister live about an hour to an hour and a half away from where I lived. She said of course.
I drove up to my sister’s and go the instructions on what need to done (food, medicine and other things) for the kids. I was warned that my nephew would give me a hard time. For warned and yet it was a set up for the little god to invade at any given time.
Well, the inevitable happened just before the kids had to go to bed. My niece, and older of the two, took the medicine with no real problems. My nephew, fought taking it and caused me to spill what was on the spoon. I can tell you that I never got angry. Nope. It was the his sibling rage that came forth. I grabbed my nephew’s face and almost forced the medicine down his throat. It was then that the Lord got my attention. My nephew was gagging and crying as he tried desperately to get away from me but my grip was too strong.
As I became more aware of of the situation, I dropped to my knees letting go of my nephew. I curled up as a ball on the floor crying and asking God for forgiveness. As I was curled up, my niece and nephew dropped on top of me with their hands around me in a comforting embrace. That was the night that the little god of rage was driven from me.
At least for a time. I can still fly into a rage when I drive. I do get angry at those who almost cause accidents. The rage I get if often directed at a stupid app called Waze. But it is really directed at myself because I couldn’t get over to the correct lane when driving home from work. I knew about a mile before that that I had to get over. I am asking and praying that the Lord will take both little gods from me, unrighteous anger and rage. Take them and keep them locked up for the rest of my life.
Do you have a little god like this? I know that these particular little gods scare me more than others. Why? Because, we could have a righteous anger that suddenly can take a turn if one of the little gods take a hold of that good anger and turns it to unrighteous. Do you have a little god or gods that you are afraid of due to how it could turn something good into something wrong and unrighteous?