I was sharing a story with a new councilor I have. I have felt stuck with growth and praying. So I became part of I am Second.

Last night was the first time I spoke to the councilor. I shared many things that brought me to this place. But it was one story in particular that I shared. I asked above, What Opened the Gospels to you? I can tell you what it was for me.

I had started to come to Calvary Chapel of Philadelphia back in the fall of 1998. It was about half a year in, that I spoke to one of the assistant pastors. I shared a story of losing a child to a miscarriage back in my 20’s. Even though I knew that Jesus forgave me of my past, present and future sins, I couldn’t forgive myself. (I know, how arrogant of me. But I was coming out of the Catholic faith with that understanding - it was skewed I know but there I was.) But that thought of me being arrogant was not taken by this wonderful brother and pastor in Christ. He started to ask me if I believed that Jesus forgave me. I answered yes. Do you believe that he loves you? Yes. Do you love him? Yes. Then if you cannot forgive yourself, you are calling Jesus a liar. If he can forgive you but you cannot forgive yourself, are you better than Jesus that you will hold onto that sin? No. All of this was done in love. I as shocked by what he said and asked how I can come to a place of peace with forgiving myself. His answer was: Pray and talk to the Lord. But not only that, listen to what he has to say and to where you should read from the Bible.

Now this was a little foreign to me after all I was brought up in the Catholic Church. I knew the gospels for the most part. But I don’t think I would get anything out of the 4 books. So I when home and prayed and for the first time, I listened. I opened my Bible and asked where I should read about forgiveness. I was directed to Isaiah 53. As I read, I started to pray and cry. For the first time, I started to understand the gospels. It was there that the gospels were open to me. As I told the counselor, it is the gospel of the Old Testament.

I would not say that I memorized Isaiah 53 but when some is teaching or reciting the chapter, I can stay the words along with them. I have done this many times with my Pastor in communions where he shared from the chapter. And yes, there are times when it will bring tears to my eyes.

Do you have a verse or book that opened the Gospels for you?